Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Chapter 4 - The Boys with no Balls

I had to schedule the meeting for mid afternoon. The guys were not very happy about it. I suppose they had something better to do. I could hardly think what... They were both married???? I had to drop my best friend off at the Vet's Office. Vinyard, my lab was a very, very sweet and lovable lab... Now. He was for a while worst than Marley who has been claimed in the New York Times as the world's worst dog. He is two and was given to me by a wonderfully cool woman at a time where my life was very tumultuous. I had made the decision not to go back to LA and was living on my friends' sofa in Asheville, NC in hopes of some kind of miracle or break. My esteem, finances, and outlook on my life were very grim. I have travelled a lot and spent everything going from one place to the other. Then Vinyard comes along and gave me something to take my mind off the hole I was slowly digging. He did just that. He chewed a door off its henges, pulled a whole floor's carpet up, dug a whole through two mattresses and boxsprings of mine. Let's not forget the backseat of a brand new Maxima of my neighbors. He had also fallen out of a second story window, eaten Anti-Freeze and witnessed an actual murder of a woman. This is all in two years. Even after all that, I would not trade him for the Playboy Mansion. Now the destruction only comes in spurts where he destroys everything he sees. Most of it was little replaceable things here and there. My only concern with my little buddy was that he was the clumiest sunuvabitch I had ever seen and it didn't help that he was 120 pounds and would always get over excited with even a slight pat to his ass. His spills would knock over tables, shake the light out of the ceiling and rattle my pens off the desk. I feel his excitement is my fault. He lately has not recieved the attention nor excerise I was able to give him in the past. Unfortunately, I was the only one who could handle him on a leash because of his behavior so he didn't help the situation at all.

OK, so Payton, (my little angel,) was coming in a little under three weeks and I had become worried big Vinny maybe too much for her. Not saying he would ever hurt her. In fact, he was a very protective dog and that would only carry on to her when it was time. I mean he was as gentle as a butterfly when HE WAS CALM. My human best friend had a lab as well who greatly resembled Vinny's behavior. Three days before going to the hospital to induce labor for my goddaughter to arrive, he had made the hard decision to cut his dog's nuts off. The cahoneys had to go...

I had always and will always be against neutering full bred dogs. Vinny had begun to chew up things again, including my unborn daughter's stuff and had gotten excited on a walk and pulled me and himself into an electrical fence with enough volts to fend off cows. I had grown tired and gave into the advice my friend had given to take another approach.

The decision had not come easy. In fact, I had pulled him out of the surgery room at the last minute the first time I took him in. The second time, I walked in, handed his leash to the Vet's Assistant and beelined for the door, trying to not give myself a chance to pull out. I got into my car... Stopped... Got out of my car and finally fought myself to drive the car out into traffic sticking to my decision. All the way to the office I was nearly in tears....Sad that I had become so emotional over a freakin' dog.

I arrived at the office. I was completely detached when I grabbed my pen and wrote on an index card, "we will go with Option B," and showed it to Cutter and Wade. At first nobody said a word. OK, about five minutes had gone by when, "You know, I think we had always known that this was the way to go," Wade replied. "Yeah, " I mumbled. "Baby steps." "We're three country kids that just so happen to be intelligent despite what other people might think. We'll make it happen, regardless," Cutter said. And he was right. We had a plan. The plan was good and profitable whether it be big or small. I hated to lose that dream of having all the Stars come to my hometown and just to say, "Yeah, I did that." All egos aside, we would make more money off the Amateur route on this production and I should really accept the defeat and turn this negative into a positive. "Well, take down the Gauge Countdown. Damn," Wade said making his way to the counter. I paused for a moment. Wade and Cutter grabbed both sides of the sign. "Wait," I stopped
them. "Leave it up." They looked at me almost feeling bad that I would not part with it. "I'm gonna' call her anyway... See how much she would want to do it," I replied. They looked at me like I was crazy. "I gotta' go get my ballless wonder," I mumbled as I walked away. I looked back. They were still looking at me. "Ol, c'mon guys. It couldn't hurt. She's not gonna' black ball us for asking... The worst she could do is hang up on me."

I left the office.

I couldn't help but think about our decision, (or should I say my decision,) to aim lower on this first project, as I strolled through the Vet's office parking lot. I had almost forgotten what I was there for, but as they brought my dog to the lobby I knew I had made a mistake. He look pitiful and was stumbling around from the Narcotics they injected into him to perform the surgery. He looked like Jack Nicholson, after the labotomy they gave
him at the end of "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest." As I paid the vet. He rested his head on my shoe. Drool began seeping through to my sock. He had been so loyal and this was how I repaid him... Then I thought about my decision on the Porn Film and nearly broke down in tears again.

Great, I have no balls at all.... And now he doesn't either.

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