So there's this little thing on the Internet in the past that I have made fun of. Called it childish B.S. A self-indulgent attempt to bring attention to yourself. Called it as bad as having a website about yourself when you have no product to sell or are not some kind of known person. Presently, they call this virus, "My Space." I was doing a television show down in Florida and some guy signed me up for it, because he said it would be a good way for the cast and crew to interact. I had always used the telephone or email... Did not need any kind of "space" to do it. I completely ignored our account until an old ex-girlfriend somehow found me on it. I had no profile picture. No bullshit stuff about me... Nothing. I got the message through my email. I had not talked to her in awhile. Then another friend from out west found me. I thought it to be OK for the moment. Then my Fianc found it and did not take well to an ex being a friend on the profile thingy. She quickly cancelled the account. At that point, I was OK with it. I had not really paid that close attention to it anyway. To me, it was just another log in and password to keep up with. Three months later, my web guru showed me his profile. He had snazzed it up tremendously and told me that it was a good way to advertise a little. He had already scored a little work off of it. I had also improved my web skills quite a bit so I made another attempt at the My Space thing. I too snazzed my profile up, making links to my company site, requested a friend from out west and let it rest. The next time I logged on, I had found every friend I ever had out west and suddenly the My Space idea was becoming a little cool. Then week after week, I began to find friends, I went to high school with. I had yet to score any business off of it, but at this point I did not really mind. It was a nice way to find out what all the "old school" people of my past life were doing. Myspace I began to say, was a place to catch up with somebody without having to actually call them. Although real conversation is much better than any email in the virtual world, the Myspace messages get you in and get you out, because some of the people you reacquaint with are people you would fall short of conversation with on the phone, in ten minutes. I have 57 friends... That would be some minutes on my cell even if I limited my conversation to three minutes apiece. So anyway, you email once to say hey, then you reply a hand full of times and then you dont correspond for five months and then Repeat process with everybody you find.
That was my Myspace experience until last Thursday night when I found, my mentor, who I consider pound for pound one of my best friends of all time. Our interests were exactly the same. When we were working together the production was flawless. When we were playing we were entertainment enough. We just got it. I have spent years fighting between committing to a life as his right hand man and staying on the East Coast with my woman, making my own way. The decision I had to make at least four times had never really given me resolve. I had just been forced to accept it. In a perfect world, I could have him as a friend and business partner while being able to have my life with her here. (She wouldnt move anywhere away from her family. I on the other hand could go anywhere, anytime.) I left LA for all the wrong reasons and I will never forgive myself for that. There is no telling where I would be in my career almost four yeas later had I stayed and stuck out the burnout period. After leaving I had spent a year being just as financially unsound as I had been when I was out west. This guy had given me opportunities to come back where I belonged. The only problem was that the gesture in itself was a double-edged sword. The first time I did the LA trip I had stayed for a month. That was how long I was going to need to make the money to return. I had managed to finagle a client I had been working for at the time to let me use his UPS account to send my editing bay, cameras and everything I owned to his house. Unbeknownst to everybody, I was not coming back. By living on his couch for a month with no substantial way to save money due to the glass we were doing to stay awake at the editing bay, eating out and money spent catching up with everybody else, I was no better off. Meanwhile, on the East Coast, the house I had left hoping my old roommates would step up to the plate was falling apart. Mandi, my girlfriend had taken over my spot in that very house. Unfortunately, I had not covered my ass and left my name on the lease. I left LA to return and take care of business, with the intention on going right back and well, my Jeep never made the trip back across the desert.
(If you want the full story of this situation, you will have to read the BACKSTORY of it all.
For the short version of the story, this guy and I both had a plan. He needed a partner and I needed somebody that could inspire me and help me with my big ideas. It was unfortunate that every time we tried to merge as a business it had always been bad times and the situation had always been easier said than done. The worst part of the situation was that I would always have to go to him and only had his resources he could provide for financial stability. I had only worked in adult movies through him. He was the front man. I was the man behind the curtain. He would split his workload with me. So instead of each of us making our own money. He would make money and pay me out of that to keep us both afloat. It was like robbing Peter and giving to Paul. The last time we tried the merger, I drove from Florida to Rhode Island with my dog and belongings in June of 2005. He was getting movies shipped from out west to him, cutting them and sending them back. He was also going out four times a year and shooting two of his own. Two weeks later I drove all the way back to Florida. My girlfriend had gotten cold feet about moving up north. I should have known and never even thought nor brought up the idea of going to New England in the first place. But I did and again, I had to let him down. He went to LA four months after which would have left us moving to LA as well, and Mandi would have never gone for that, so it worked out for the best. Unfortunately, this situation caused a major fallout of our friendship. Six months later, I contacted him via email to congratulate him on his new baby boy only to find out he thought all these times I had just been using him for money. This was so far from the truth, but looking back, I can understand why he thought this way. After a couple of replies, I finally told him why I had done and what I did. He did not reply to that one and that was that He went to LA, signed a deal with Mayhem and I went on to Fox.
On my way back to Florida, I passed over the George Washington bridge in New York and vowed the next time we met, I would have my end covered as well so I did not have to depend on his ability to sale and keep business rolling. I vowed that the next time we met wed both have equal pull, equal push. That decision in New York prompted this whole endeavor of making my own porn
Upon returning to North Carolina, I had put high expectations on my talent and myself. I had made a two-year plan to make my own mainstream film. Doors for me began opening to do an adult film here and I thought, what perfect irony. After countless attempts to find his whereabouts to congratulate him on his prosperous career, I had come up short. I had followed his career through news articles, and DVD releases, but had not been able to locate the man himself Until two weeks ago.
In the profile search, I had stumbled across a Ryan whose picture and profile matched my long lost friend. (Frickin Myspace, again.) This Ryan was also known in the adult industry as Zak Wylde. I requested him as a friend and sent him a message, catching up. I was worried he would reject my request and cancel his account after seeing my face turning up again, but he didnt. He replied and we shot the shit back and forth. We laughed at the fact that I was putting together my own porno. He then like always offered a helping hand. He had stressed that if I could raise a little more money than I had been asking, I could come out there and shoot the movie with real talent and real marketing pull. I took in everything he said, but did not change my course. I would do this thing the way I have been doing it and let the chips fall as they may. (I had also vowed the next time Ryan and I did a project together, I would be able to pay him.)
I had used this quest to make a porn in NC as a stepping-stone to regain Ryans trust and confidence in me, also leading to future. opportunities to join the Super Powers, our friends used to call us. Of course, I was not counting on finding him on Myspace before he saw my movie or at least heard about it, but this was OK too. I had always valued his friendship and knew I had let him down countless times, but maybe all of it had a reason Until the money is raised to do the upgrades and maybe steer toward Zaks idea of going back HOME to shoot the movie, Ill look forward, work hard and find those resources, and only use my friend as my Obi-Wan. Thank you Myspace. I retort all my statements about you in the pastEnough of the sappy whiny shit Back to work.
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