All that kept running through my head was money to feed the kids, giving up my movie, what life would be like if I were unemployed until Christmas. Just everything... It was just another day in Garrick's life, only with this time it seemed the worst of all worlds because not only had I been battling with all these same problems since Hickory's economy had faltered nearly a year and a half ago, but I had also said, "as soon as I finished shooting Jeopardy, I would fix all this other shit." Well, that time had come and gone. When I had planned on handling that I had not planned on being put on a tight schedule to have Jeopardy complete because I had never been on a deadline with any of my films in the past. Basically, Ryan did what he wanted to do and that is put me in a situation where I would be forced to make a decision and risk it all. His favorite saying used to be my favorite saying,"Shit or get off the pot." Where I had idolized Ryan in the way he lived his life, and how he had accomplished so much and continued honing his craft through it all, he had idolized me for my love and passion for what I did and how nothing got in my way when it came to making films. He was worried that had all changed with my bitter years of being holed up in North Carolina. This was his chance to break me out and get the old Garrick back.So back to the situation:
What was more important? The Movie and my future in them or My shit job and the money that comes along with it that keeps my wife off my back? There were two choices: "You are etither coming or not?" He knew I would come. He knew I would not sacrifice his money nor my hard work by working on this movie a little at a time over the next 5 months, (in between feeding bottles and giving the wife assistance in mopping the floor.) Or even worse, just hand the movie over so he could have one of his guys cut it together off of my notes. He knew even if I thought it to be a bad idea, I would wrap that external up and throw caution to the wind and go cut the thing myself. This movie was huge and we had a huge opportunity in the worst of economical times and I would be stupid to play it safe and not take a chance at it all.
Well, since my daughter was born my days of taking chances have grown very scarce and I can truly say, money wise, I have not made a mistake since April 11th, 2006. Throwing caution to the wind now and putting myself in a situation where there may be a couple of months of no income, (close to Christmas,) may end up screwing that perfect track record if I would make the wrong decision.
This is all I kept thinking about. Thinking how I can't win either way I go. If I were to walk away from the movie, send the external to Ryan and have him and his guys cut it, number one, Ryan would lose faith in me as a partner and a huge piece of me would discentagrate because like Ryan said, "The old Garrick wouldn't even make this an issue." Well, as the sickness began to leave me last night so did the doubts. My wife who knew I had been extremely miserable with my current place and employment in life maybe sort of got on board. With our relationship challenged lately due to alot of things, maybe she realized that no matter what Garrick would be doing in two months he would be away from that job and that would make him more happy than anything else in the world at the present time and maybe he deserved that much. No matter what it was, the plan had been set to begin looking for another job, (even if I didn't need it after the Los Angeles trip,) and if one weren't found by October 25th then I would go anyway and not look back. The thought is scary considering Christmas being right around the corner, but there are just some things you have to risk in life. My kids will understand one day if Santa Claus is a little slimmer this year. Who knows? It may be the best Christmas of all.
But as the fog from the sickness fades I can't help but be excited and not worried about the time after October 25th. I'm getting on a plane and I'm flying out to finish my movie. What happens from there is yet to be written. The only thing I can foreshadow is a happier Garrick who will finally put his "bread and butter only" job away. He can walk away from the job where he could have been so great yet spent two years on the bench as a whipping boy waiting to get fired. And now, he gets to keep his dignity, by laying it all out to them on paper and leaving them instead of trying to come up with more ways to get fired.
And when the narcisstic owner/boss asks me, "Well, Garrick, what do you plan on doing when you got back? Haven't you even thought about that you idiot?" I'm going to finally get to say what I've dreamt of saying for a year and a half: "I was thinking about Burger King. The pay's not so good but they promote you pretty fast if you a hard worker. I want have any problems getting noticed there."
The most exciting part of all this... We're starting the next one already.
Ryan, Greg and I began writing our "Horror Film" over the weekend. I'm looking forward to having a first draft packed with the Jeopardy external drive. My life has just begun.
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